Thursday, January 16, 2003
at 8:16 PMAm I Too Prolix?
I alluded to the trip to Japan I am supposed to take this spring break, but after some scrambled thinking, I might request a cancellation from The Father and my aunt and uncle. I secured a job, but I don't think The Father will have the airfare money on time. We still haven't payed the $150 to The University of Missouri yet. It makes me nervous.
The conflicts are far too much for my eggy little brain to handle at once. I really do not particularly want to attend college, but it is what I am supposed to do- and must do- if I want to earn enough money to eat on occasion. I do not know that I am prepared to succeed academically or to allocate my time responsibly. I am not used to making my own decisions about anything. I am fairly certain I would emerge from the experience on two feet, but at what cost?
I could work a year or two, earn money, possibly travel, then sit in lectures for four years to get a degree in something or other, but I would be too far behind at that point. That method just isn't kosher. Besides, I can easily envision the scenario of me never going to college and working for some stupid schmuck, trapped and living every day too afraid of death to slit my wrists.
Oh, I'll go sleep and forget about everything by tomorrow morning. I'll wake up at 4:30 ready for another mechanical day.
