Monday, February 02, 2004
Amber mentioned that her mother became irate with her for not declaring herself a Catholic, even though she did not feel like a Catholic. My parents forced religion upon me in seventh grade whilst my mother was dying. They essentially guilt-tripped me and The Megabitch into getting confirmed at Holy Covenant United Methodist Church.at 6:11 PM
Only one or two people in the church creeped me out; everyone else was nice enough, but I simply didn't feel the way they did. Anyhow, my mother dying of lung cancer complicated things. She honestly felt that if we (her hatchlings) weren't all baptized and confirmed, we wouldn't go where she was going. We (Ashlea and I) played along with everything because we understood that our mother was in enough distress. [At this point I separate myself from The Megabitch, as I know little of her religious views] Michael floated along as he does with everything, but Kailey and Eddie liked attending church and liked going to Sunday school, which was all good and fine for them.
I loathed having to be confirmed in front of the entire church. I even remember looking down from the steps, seeing Alan (he was one of the kids I knew there), and just wanting to cry in self-pity. I felt it vastly unfair and selfish of my parents to demand something so monumental of me, especially when they both knew damn well I could not truly commit to any of it. One Sunday morning a few months after my mother died, I informed The Father I wasn't going to church anymore. He did not take this disobedience well; he threatened me and frightened me so much that I fled to his bathroom and locked the door. I screamed (my usual speaking voice would not have carried through the door) that since my mother was dead he had no right to impose beliefs upon me. I suppose that might have been harsh, but that was how The Father needed to be dealt with. It was also exasperating to deal with the fact that he was beginning to genuinely disappoint me as a parental figure.
A year later, at the time of Michael's confirmation, I refused to attend the ceremony (Ashlea played the good child and went, I think). I knew Michael did not really understand what he was doing. Even if he did, it was of no import to me whether the kid embraced Jesus Christ as his Almighty Savior. That morning The Father and I had another row.
Like Amber's mother, after a certain phase, The Father stopped taking The Mongoloids to church. They don't even do the half-assed, only-on-holidays observances. That hypocrisy infuriates me still. Christianity, or any other religion, should not be taken on as a fad.
Now I am cranky. Off I go to lick my wounds.
