Saturday, April 03, 2004
I am depressed. Sigh...at 9:34 PM
The School Situation distresses me. The Father can never empathize, either; thus he does not realize how real to me my fears are. He held a job or two during college for extra cash, but his mommy and daddy paid his tuition, just like most of my friends' respective mommies and daddies will pay theirs fully and timely. He got his books and his other supplies and all his fees paid for relatively easily. The Father studied well, for the most part, but he played well, too. I will never enjoy that luxury, and I frankly am somewhat bitter about it. How am I really supposed to learn anything at school if I'm constantly tired from whatever odd job I pull, and if I have to hound The Father for fees and tuition and books? He dropped a load trying to pay the $1,044 it cost him for me to take three community college courses this past fall semester, and need I remind myself I and my grandpa paid my tuition this semester? The Father refused to contribute a cent. He claims he never has extra money from month to month. So how, exactly, is he going to pay for my school?
I wanted to go to the University of Missouri; I still do. But I have resigned myself once again to passively and dutifully doing as The Father tells me to. He wants me to attend school in Texas, because it's cheaper and more expedient for him- fine. I cannot pretend I would be miserable at UT, or TTU, or UNT, or wherever. But he treats my disappointment with the situation as something trivial, which it is not. I had attainable goals set, but they've been knocked down. I told everyone my grand plans, and everyone seemed quite impressed. Now I won't ever fulfill them, and everyone will wonder why I failed.
I am depressed. Sigh...
